Motivation vs. Guilt: A Few Thoughts on Theology and Exercise

I am a pastor with a pet-peeve; guilt-based theology and human interactions.  Ok...maybe that is two pet-peeves.  Anyway, I recoil, cringe, grow obstinant when confronted with guilt-based thinking.  Theologically, I don't respond positively to atonement discussions based on the idea that blood sacrifice by Jesus is the payment an angry God requires to free me from my "guilty stains."  Others can cling to their bloody faith and their blood-thirsty god but I understand the power of God's love as claiming me before I could act or think and refusing to let go of me, ever. For me, the fullness of Jesus, (his life, death and risen life) demonstrates the relentless love God has for humanity and the lengths God will go to bridge any distance between humanity and God. For me, it is all about Grace...God's abundant and amazing grace and how my grateful heart responds to God's prevenient grace.  That is what makes my heart sing praise to God and my spirit shout in worship.  I don't worship God because I am consumed with guilt and fearful of the raging fire of damnation.  I worship God because God is so loving and good that I can't help but worship such wonderful goodness and everlasting love. 

And guilt-embracing motivations in other areas of life are just as unwelcome.  My daughter Abby has been working out at the gym since I began in the summer.  She is dedicated and committed and is reaping the results of her hard work.  I am proud of her progress and pleased that she has made fitness and healthy living a priority in her life.  However, when life and ministry got busy in Nov. and Dec. my time at the gym dwindled to just about nothing.  At that point, Abby took up the role of being the voice of guilt in my life.  Each night when she went to work out, she tried to guilt me into going with her.  It didn't work.  In fact, it made me feel a bit stubborn. 

But, the truth is I miss it and have decided to reorient my schedule so that exercise is not something I squeeze into "extra" time but something that I put in my calendar and prioritize.  If I am not healthy I will not be able to serve well in the parish.  I know this to be true and so I am committing to this new re-orientation and prioritizing.  I don't choose this path because I feel guilty for months of only visiting the gym now and then.  I choose it because it is a good and beneficial path.  I don't do it because I fear the scale.  I do it because the benefits as so positive.  I do it because I want to.  And that is that. 

Coughing Up An Excuse

Achoo.  Hack.  That's the way my time has been spent as of late.  The kids were kind enough to share their back to school fall colds with me and I have been under the weather for about 10 days now.  So, last week I only got to the gym two times and this week I am hoping to get in a mere 3 days.  Compound that with the grim fact that I was also less than careful about how I was eating and you get one great big Uhh OHH.  As a result of being sick, not eating well and not working out enough, I feel like a sloth.  On one hand I feel guilty that I didn't force myself to continue with my daily routine while feeling under the weather. On the other hand, I am not on a short-term "mission to loose weight quickly" project that requires an unrelenting high intensity approach because the time to reach a goal is so short.  I  guess it is what it is.  Yes, it has been two weeks of trying to hold the line and heal.  But, I am getting better and feeling my energy return.  I will be back in the full swing of things in the next few days.  So, onward and upward and I promise not to cough up any excuses to extend my mini-sickness break. 

-s

My main reason to begin working out was that I was waaaayyyy overweight.  I looked in the mirror and couldn't see me anymore.  At this almost 2 month mark of commitment to exercise and healthier eating, I am down a full size and am not too far away from dropping a second size.  But, my favorite benefit is that I feel SO much better.  After a long day of frustrations, working out brings calm.  Plus, I got a new dress in a smaller size for the wedding of Mike's niece, Jessica, on Sat.  It's all good. 

Back At It

The last week in August was spent with the family at Ocean City, NJ.  I used to spend a week or two at the shore with my Aunt Franny and Uncle Charlie.  So, taking the family to the spot of many of my favorite summertime memories was wonderful. 

 

While Ocean City has changed, in many ways it is still the same as I remember.  So, for one week we got up, went to the beach, swam in the ocean, looked for shells, boogie-boarded on the waves, wandered up and down boardwalk and ate.  And, let me say, this was wonderful. 

 

But, I worry that a week without the gym and eating less carefully may have set me back on my weightloss journey.  Today I go back to the gym and I will definitly force myself to get on the scale to assess the amount of backtracking that has happened.  I dread this because each pound I have lost so far was hardfought.  But, on the other hand, I refuse to treat this journey toward a healthier me as a short-term weightloss project.  I have tried that before and it worked for the short-term goal but is not (for me) a sustainable lifestyle choice.  I also hate that good and bad mentality toward food that I used to get so caught up in. 

 

So, I will get on the scale, see where I am, refuse to let it get me down, and get back on the proverbial horse.  That's my plan.  Let's see how well I am able to walk it out once I see the numbers that pop up on the truth-teller otherwise called "a scale." :)

7

Today's musings are brought to you by the number 7 (can you tell I went to Avenue Q at GeVa recently???)

7 reasons I began working out

1. no energy
2. hate the truth that the person I see in the mirror is no longer the me I really am
3. dimples on my arms...seriously...dimples
4. climbing the stairs made me breathe heavy
5. disappointment with myself
6. just not feeling well
7. I love beautiful clothes and there are not many choices in the size I began at

7 reasons I will continue working out

1. lots more energy
2. I look in the mirror and feel good about my determination to reclaim my physical health
3. There are honestly less dimples on my arms already
4. I can't believe it but...I am no longer winded from climbing stairs
5. Feeling better about myself
6. Feeling better (much better) physically
7. I really am excited about the path I am on resulting in physical health and a new closet of clothes that I love

And the reason this blog is all about the number 7 is that today is the 7th day Abby and I have worked out for about an hour since last Friday!  And, it really feels like 7 is something to celebrate!!!

Integration

Day four at the gym with Abby and I am feeling better than I have in a long, long time.  I have forgotten how much I like the rhythm of a workout.  I find it an odd mix of huffing, puffing, sweating like a crazy woman and relaxation.  Today I was thinking about faith and Sunday's worship service, plans with the family and friends and praying for a friend, Doug, who was in a serious accident all while working out.  How cool is that?  I guess I experienced my first taste of the integration of all the parts of me that I am working toward.  And, the truth is, I could really get used to this; it feels mighty good. 

Here I Go Again...

Tomorrow I go back to the gym with Abby, my 17 year old.  Today was a day off as the gym is closed on Sunday's.  Abby's workout goal is to firm up all 110 pounds of her.  She will be there in the blink of an eye.  My goal?  Well, to be healthy once again...to enjoy clothes instead of hiding behind them...to take control of an aspect of me that I have ignored for far too long.  Who knows how long it will take me???  But as my wise friends have said to me lately, one step at a time.  So, off I go to the gym in the morning.